This is a common trait of people pleasers. It can be as seemingly innocent as pretending to have hobbies that you actually don't care about—like when you "bond" with your boss about their fishing trip, but you know nothing about angling. (Yes, I did have to scour my brain to dig out "angling.") Whether it's in a meeting, having a one-on-one conversation, or in the middle
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1. You Agree, Even When You Disagree
of a big negotiation, people pleasers tend to agree—even when they don't. There are certainly circumstances where sharing your personal or political opinions is not necessary. However, people pleasers tend to agree even when they vehemently disagree.
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2. You Apologize Too Much
We talk about weak language at work—a lot. Why? Because we recognize it in ourselves too often.Apologies are fine when you're actually sorry—or when you have something legitimate to apologize for. But, again, ask yourself a question when you find yourself apologizing in most interactions. Are you undermining yourself
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2. You Apologize Too Much
by constantly apologizing? We tend to use apologies to smooth over awkward events and to make room for others to be comfortable.For example, you don't need to apologize when you speak up, when you disagree, when you cough, or when you bump into someone in the hallway.
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3. You Always Have Someone Double-Check Your Work
This is something people pleasers do in order to get feedback and to make sure their work is up to snuff. Like a lot of "pleaser" behavior, this isn't always a bad thing. Generally speaking, feedback is great and we should seek it out where we can.However, constantly asking for feedback, approval, or credit can actually undermine
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3. You Always Have Someone Double-Check Your Work
your sense of self and the quality of your work—and it can diminish how others view you. Rather than constantly asking for feedback, find new confidence in your work.If you're looking for a second pair of eyes for edits or mistakes, create a checklist for yourself. Run your own work quality checks through a battery of filters. Is everything
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3. You Always Have Someone Double-Check Your Work
spelled correctly? Are the dates all correct? Asking for help is good. However, you also need to enlist self-confidence in your own work rather than relying on approval from your supervisor at every turn.
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4. You Are Constantly Burdened by Other People's Feelings
Do you find yourself constantly distracted by your boss's moods? Do you feel personally attacked if your coworker wears her headphones for an entire day?People pleasers commonly find themselves involved in other people's feelings. Think of it as an empathy overload. Empathy is crucial in the workplace, but there is a line where empathy
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4. You Are Constantly Burdened by Other People's Feelings
can actually manifest as nosiness in disguise.Recognize when those around you are in need of a soothing word or a walk around the block. However, also recognize that when people need a few minutes of solitude or when they are having a personally bad day, they might want to be left alone—and it has nothing to do with you.
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5. You Rarely Accept Credit or Praise
Raise your hand if you've ever shaken off praise by saying something like, "Well, the whole team helped, so..."Accept your praise when it's due. Take a bath in it. Treat yourself to a nice lunch. It's that simple. Next time praise comes your way, recognize if you're about to explain it away. Instead, try a simple thank you. Enjoy the victory—you've earned it.
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6. You Take Blame When It's Not Yours
Does confrontation make you uneasy? Does discord send your day into chaos? This behavior is a little extreme, but listen up. If you find yourself taking the blame for someone else's mistake—even in the interest of settling a dispute or calming things down—you are probably a people pleaser. If you're not going to accept credit or
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6. You Take Blame When It's Not Yours
praise for work well done, then do not accept blame for missteps by others. While you feel like you are diffusing a situation in the moment, you are actually adding to long-term problems. When teams are unable to find the true root cause of a problem, it will likely reoccur and have bigger repercussions.Next time there is unrest in a
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6. You Take Blame When It's Not Yours
meeting or between members of your team, let the real problem come to light.
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7. You Act Like the People Around You
Everyone has a little bit of a different personality for different environments. For example, when you're out for dinner on a Saturday night with your three closest girlfriends, your demeanor is going to be slightly different from your Monday morning vibes.The language you use with your partner or your mom will be different than the language
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7. You Act Like the People Around You
you use with your manager or a client. Everybody wears different hats throughout their entire lives. However, if you find yourself constantly shapeshifting at work, you might be a people pleaser. This is not a matter of using professional language with one person and more casual parlance with another. This is when you find your
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7. You Act Like the People Around You
views and outlooks changing when speaking to one person or another.This type of behavior can have especially damaging consequences when you ally yourself with someone who is unhappy or negative in the workplace. If you recognize this type of behavior in yourself, conduct an honest check-in. Are you doing and saying the
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7. You Act Like the People Around You
things you really believe? Is this relationship capable of hurting your career in the long run?
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8. You Always Say Yes
You might be a chronic people-pleaser if you often find yourself in the office, after hours, doing work that isn't technically yours. Once you become known as the office people pleaser, you will become a sitting duck—an easy target.If you work with people—especially someone who is slightly senior to you—you might find work being passed
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8. You Always Say Yes
on to you. One of our favorite problematic coworkers, the work shirker, is sure to seek you out and overload you with work. Since you don't want to say no, you do it, again and again. Thus begins a vicious cycle.
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9. You Need Everyone to Like You (Even the People You Don't Like)
When you walk into the office, do you say hello to everyone? Do you notice that Karen from accounting never responds in kind? She never even sends a smile your way—and this drives you up the wall. Why doesn't she like me?But, wait a second, you don't even really work with Karen in accounting. In fact, whenever you have accounting needs,
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9. You Need Everyone to Like You (Even the People You Don't Like)
you work with Sheila. In fact, you don't even really like Karen to begin with!Here's the thing. it's great to get along with everyone in the workplace, but maybe you aren't Karen's cup of tea—and vice-versa. As long as it doesn't affect the quality of your work—or Karen's work—who cares?Don't get caught up in who may or may not like you. More often
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9. You Need Everyone to Like You (Even the People You Don't Like)
than not, your coworker has no strong feelings about you to begin with. Focus on your work and the harmony of your direct team. Don't get caught up in other noise.
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10. You Avoid Any and All Conflict
Are people raising their voices in the conference room? Is your coworker getting reamed for something you know is not her fault? What do you do?People pleasers tend to avoid any and all conflict. Nobody really loves conflict, but when you're actively avoiding conflict, it can do more harm than good. The next time there is conflict, instead of sticking to the
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10. You Avoid Any and All Conflict
sidelines, consider whether or not you have information or a point of view that could lead to a resolution.In short, avoiding conflict is not always a good thing—especially when you might hold the very key to a solution.